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Undead or Alive is an alleged comedy about zombies in the Wild West starring the guy who was Mango and Mr.Peepers on Saturday Night Live, with a script that appears to have been written on the back of a stained cocktail napkin and direction that looks like the actual director died on the first day of filming and they gave the job to the guy in charge of cleaning the portable toilets on set. I know what you're thinking and trust me, it's even worse than that sounds.
Elmer Winslow (James Denton) is an ex-army soldier who's thrown together with cowboy Luke Budd (Chris Kattan), a walking non sequitur who names his horse Frisky and his six guns Sunshine and Sparkles. They're on the run from a posse just as a zombie plague has broken out. They bump into an Indian girl named Sue (Nawi Rawat), who happens to be Geronimo's niece, and the three of them basically wander around while lame and unfunny crap happens. This movie also features huge, bald comedian Brian Posehn as a zombie that seems to suffer from a learning disorder and veteran character actor/borderline little person Leslie Jordan as a priest who remains on screen for an inexplicably long time.
I'll attest to the facts that Nawi Rawat is awfully cute and there's a little twist at the end of this movie that doesn't completely suck. Those are the only positive things I can list about Undead or Alive. Every other thing you see or hear while watching this film is bad. And I don't mean so bad that it's good. I mean just plain, old fashioned bad.
Let me briefly elaborate on that.
1. This movie is supposed to be a comedy and because it's supposed to be a comedy, writer/director Glasgow Douglas apparently thought that would automatically make things funny. It doesn't. Douglas' sense of humor extends no further than him pointing the camera at Chris Kattan and telling him to "make me laugh". Kattan makes an effort, but it's like he's trapped in one of those horrible SNL sketches that make you turn off the TV and go to bed. There are more laughs in the two minutes of outtakes that play during the closing credits than in the rest of the film.
2. Nothing in the story makes sense. Not the way Elmer behaves, not the way Luke behaves, not the way Sue behaves and not the way the zombies behave. It's like they did the entire movie in one take, making it up as they went along, constantly forgetting what they just did and then doing something different. If you ate a marshmallow for every time something stupid happened on screen, by the time you finished watching Undead or Alive they'd have to cut a hole in the side of your home and remove you with a forklift and a flatbed truck.
3. The acting ranges from "embarrassing to see during a third grade school play" to "James Denton doing the exact same stuff he does on Desperate Housewives, just with zombies". A couple of the supporting characters look like they're doing a vaudeville routine while others look like they apparently too much Prozac before coming to work that day. I've seen informercials with better performances than this dreck.
I have no idea how Undead or Alive ever got made. I've seen some atrocious films, but at least they looked like they were made out of duct tape, spit and delusions of grandeur and no one spent any real money on them. But while Undead or Alive is cheap, it's not that cheap. It's got costumes, make up, some actors you've heard of and scenes shot on location. They probably spent more making this movie than the average American will make in 15 years. That money had to come from somewhere and unless writer/director Phillips earned it 5 bucks a shot giving out hand jobs in truck stops, I can't imagine where. It would have been better to put all the cash in a pile and burn it or smear each individual dollar in peanut butter and feed them all to the homeless.
Well, I did rent this thing so the bastards who made Undead or Alive got some of my money. Don't give them any of yours.
score 3/10
MBunge 3 March 2011
Reprint: https://www.imdb.com/review/rw2393466/ |
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25-9-2020 01:40:10